Computer Humor

To me, the Number 1 rule of computers is to have, and keep, a sense of humor. If you lose track of this ... you will have nightmares, your monitor will burn in the Microsoft image, your children will never leave the nest, your mouse will move on its own, and your internet connection speed will stay at 27.4k.

Free Cell - A Free Diagnostic
Jesus vs. Satan
Wuzzy's Wisdom

Wuzzy's Wisdom
Sometimes it's funny ... Sometimes it's snot

There are at least five different ways of doing any single thing in a Windows-operated computer. I know a few - you know a few. Mine work for me - yours work for you.

If you don't screw up your computer at least once, someone else will.

Your computer will crash just before you attempt to save that document you have been working on for 45 minutes and right before the presentation that requires that document.

There is always a faster computer.

Never squat on your power strip.

Two weeks after you purchase your new computer, printer, PDA, automobile, etc., a new model is released that is faster and less expensive.

Spell-checking dos knot replace common cents.

The length of a minute depends upon which side of the bathroom door you are standing OR waiting for your PC to boot.

If you have Automatic Updates turned on, you are letting the software vendor determine what is good for you. Maybe this is OK - maybe not.

Your computer will need maintenance sooner or later. Remember the old Texaco commercial - "You can pay now or you can pay later". Either you or I, or someone else, will be paying sooner or later.

"F-Disk" will remove any virus (if you don't know what F-Disk is, please don't experiment).

You can spend $1,500 on a PC system that will sound the same as a $100 Boom Box.

If you Password Protect every single operation on your computer, you will never get anything done - AND - you may need to spend money on a Password Reset program.

Computer cables are like coat hangars. Look behind your computer location. If what you see gives you the willies then it is time to take the complete system apart and put it back together in a neat fashion. (You may want to consider using a vacuum cleaner in the area once in awhile!)

If the capacity of your Hard Drive is over 50% full, it is time to start managing excess files. If it is over 75% full, it is time to start looking for additional drive space. (Are you backing up all this data that you have accumulated?) Do NOT wait until you are out of drive space to attempt a resolution.

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Jesus vs. Satan

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly, God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said,

"THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming,

"It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait!", he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged and said,

"JESUS SAVES"

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Free Cell – A Free Diagnostic

A long time ago, I was sent to a manufacturer of CAD/CAM devices to develop maintenance training.

One of their diagnostics tools was a flight simulator game. The idea was that if all modules of the Flight Simulator worked, then the system was operational.

My management had a problem with this in that they didn’t want the techs to be "playing games". I remember my response being, "Who said you can’t have fun while you're working?"

I use the game Free Cell to get an indication of how my PC is performing. As you may know if you play this game yourself, when you have quite a few cards remaining and they are all lined up in columns, uncovering one card can cause the rest of the cards to be played automatically.

If these cards "zip" up to the finish, I know my PC is working pretty good. If the cards do not "zip" up, then something is going on that may need to be diagnosed.

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